TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
