Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
