how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
