in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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