NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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