just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
