White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
