508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
