Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
