I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
