Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
