If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
