If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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