these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
