I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
