Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
