I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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