1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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