whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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