I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
