So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it's like iHOP with fire
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
