I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
