My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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