after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
