I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
