I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
