No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
