May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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