Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
