He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
