Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
