i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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