There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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