The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
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He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
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Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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