We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
