I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
MIDGETS
????
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
