so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
