the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I smell like Dick and happiness
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
