Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
