Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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