I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
