im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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