just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
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He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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