and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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