Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
