Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
