Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
