someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Randomize
