Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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