he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
