Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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