You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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