took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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