i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
