I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
