You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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