we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
