people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
