I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
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