I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I deserve this hangover.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
