hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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