I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
