I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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