Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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