When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
