I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
