You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
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Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
its liver damage thursday
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