just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
