All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
