Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
