she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
