Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
