I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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