i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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