Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
