i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
