I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
